Vicious Cycles

I try my best to get past me-
To grasp the light and nurture it,
Sustain a semblance of what can be
If only my strength would permit

But lies muddle realities
Shadows cast over their gleam
Repeating such atrocities
Recurring, doom, darkening dream

Then I'm winning! For just a moment!
A lifetime waiting for this taste
The road before me somehow bent-
Toward success I do make haste.

Then the blackness chants its chime.
Goodness can be such a chore...
I think I beat it all the time
Then can't seem to settle the score.

Try not to dwell on outside sources:
Angels, heathens, friends or foes.
This my battle, my weapons and forces
Doesn't matter how long it goes

You cannot change me if I can't do it
I cannot focus on your contempt
If you left me to get through it
Might make more thrilling an attempt

But being alone is devastating
Such grave feelings unsettling.
Spending my life in constant waiting
For a champion's golden ring.

Don't know how I can conquer
Don't know who is guiding me
I have such a seething rancor
Toward the ones standing me...

There's no way to rescue me.